Meatless Loaf

Aug 7, 2020

Tawny Newsome and Jack Quaid join house musician Jonathan Coulton in a game where Meatloaf songs are rewritten to be about vegetarian meat substitutes.

Heard on Nicole Byer, Sasheer Zamata And 'Star Trek: Lower Decks': Starships And Friendships.

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(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: This is NPR's ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Jonathan Coulton. Here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thanks, Jonathan. We're playing games with the stars of the new "Star Trek" animated comedy "Lower Decks" - Tawny Newsome and Jack Quaid. OK, are you ready for another challenge?

JACK QUAID: Let's do it.

TAWNY NEWSOME: Yeah.

EISENBERG: So yeah, our next game is dedicated to our vegetarian listeners. Jonathan Coulton will sing you the clues in this music parody game called Meatless Loaf.

NEWSOME: (Laughter).

COULTON: So we have replaced the lyrics of Meat Loaf's greatest hits with lyrics about popular vegetarian meat substitutes.

QUAID: Yes.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: So to earn a point, just tell us the meat substitute that I'm singing about or the song that I'm parodying or just name any meat - is also fine.

NEWSOME: All right, OK.

QUAID: OK, great.

COULTON: So we are going back and forth, starting with Jack.

QUAID: OK.

COULTON: (Singing) Cremini, porcini, portobello stroganoff is somehow very meaty. So don't be sad 'cause dried chanterelles ain't bad.

QUAID: Mushrooms...

COULTON: Mushrooms is correct.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: That is absolutely right.

NEWSOME: Yeah.

QUAID: Sweet.

COULTON: Do you know the song?

QUAID: I actually - oh, man. It's one of those things where I never really know a song until I hear the chorus of it. Maybe that was the chorus. But, Tawny, help me out with this.

COULTON: It was, but it had words about mushrooms. So it's distracting (laughter).

NEWSOME: What if I - I don't remember the fake words, but what if I was just like (vocalizing).

EISENBERG: There you go. Yes, yes (laughter).

QUAID: "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad."

EISENBERG: That's right.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right. You got it.

QUAID: Yeah.

COULTON: Tawny, I liked that hint method of just singing the vowels of the thing.

QUAID: Yeah. (Vocalizing).

NEWSOME: Try to, yeah. And then just saying the last word in full, just bad.

(LAUGHTER)

NEWSOME: (Vocalizing) Bad.

QUAID: I heard ain't bad crystal clear.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: We're all just helping each other out here. That's all.

QUAID: Yeah. It's fun.

COULTON: All right, Tawny, this one's for you.

NEWSOME: OK.

COULTON: (Singing) Will you put this soy right into my mouth? Oh, I like it fried with seeds of sesame. So please put that soy right into my mouth. Soft or silken, extra firm, so white and cubey (ph).

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

NEWSOME: That's got to be tofu, and that's got to be "You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth," my man.

EISENBERG: Oh, wow.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right. You got them both. Well done. All right, Jack, this is for you.

QUAID: Oh, man.

COULTON: (Singing) And I would eat Beyond Meat for lunch. Eat boca between the buns for lunch. I'd grill a Doc Praeger's up for lunch. But won't I eat Pat because my cow is named Pat.

QUAID: Aww.

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Patricia, right? Pat for short, but Patricia.

COULTON: Yeah, it's short for Patricia.

QUAID: Oh, that's adorable. OK. It's - the song is "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" - sorry, parenthesis, "But I Won't Do That," end parenthesis.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) Nice.

COULTON: Thank you for punctuating.

QUAID: All right. I'm going to say veggie burgers.

COULTON: Yes. Veggie burgers is correct. That's right.

NEWSOME: I like that Doc Praeger got a mention in there. Doc Praeger getting props.

EISENBERG: Yep.

COULTON: Little shoutout to Doc Praeger.

NEWSOME: People sleep on the DP.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I like a FieldBurger, if you don't know that one.

QUAID: Oh, those are good.

EISENBERG: Jack, did something just fall from the ceiling onto your head?

QUAID: Yes, it did. I have...

COULTON: Please tell me it's a prop from a comedy show.

QUAID: I have little foam pads in here, and sometimes - I didn't really hang them properly.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

QUAID: It's OK. They just kind of lightly fall.

(LAUGHTER)

QUAID: It's the best.

COULTON: All right. Tawny, this one's for you.

NEWSOME: OK.

COULTON: (Singing) Beige legume from long ago, making my falafel dough. In my hummus, on my gyro, chana masala, love you so.

NEWSOME: OK, wait. So it's like a garbanzo, falafel...

COULTON: It is very much like a garbanzo because it is a garbanzo bean.

NEWSOME: OK. I'm struggling with the song, though.

EISENBERG: Oh, yeah.

COULTON: Oh.

NEWSOME: Yeah. I guess I don't know that many Meatloaf songs, which I guess I'm not surprised at.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: And I'll just - I'll tell you what the song is. This song is called "Hot Patootie - Bless My Soul."

QUAID: Oh. (Singing) Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

QUAID: (Singing) I really love that rock 'n' roll.

EISENBERG: (Singing) Rock 'n' roll.

NEWSOME: That's familiar.

COULTON: Yeah. He loves rock 'n' roll.

NEWSOME: Can we do this game with Stevie Wonder songs? Because I would absolutely dominate. I would wipe the floor with everyone.

EISENBERG: Jonathan, shoot - they can give us three minutes, and we'll just come back with that.

COULTON: (Laughter) Yeah. Give me a few minutes, and let me just retool this game.

(LAUGHTER)

QUAID: We'll wait. We'll wait.

COULTON: We took Stevie Wonder songs about meat...

(LAUGHTER)

NEWSOME: Everyone's like, what's the connection?

QUAID: It's in the same order of, like, meats as well. It's like, we just get them right every time.

COULTON: It's just - yeah (laughter).

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

EISENBERG: You both did great once again. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, Tawny Newsome. Thank you so much, Jack Quaid. What a pleasure.

QUAID: Thank you for having us.

NEWSOME: Thank you. This was the best.

EISENBERG: Tawny and Jack started the animated series "Star Trek: Lower Decks," streaming now on CBS All Access.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.