Love Is A Four Letter Word, Part 2

Apr 24, 2020
Originally published on April 24, 2020 4:38 pm

Comedians Alyssa Limperis and May Wilkerson, hosts of the podcast Crazy; In Bed, join Jonathan Colton for a music parody game that replaces the word "Love" in song titles with other four-letter words beginning with the letter L.

Heard on Orville Peck & Mitra Jouhari: A Cowpunk And One Busy Debra.

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I am so psyched to have our next two guests join us. They have a great podcast called "Crazy; In Bed." They are comedians, writers, and actors. Please welcome Alyssa Limperis and May Wilkerson.


MAY WILKERSON: Hello, thanks for having us.

EISENBERG: How is it going for you making a podcast in these times? Is it the same? Different?

WILKERSON: Well, funny story actually. We had taken a bit of a - so our podcast called "Crazy; In Bed." It's really about being crazy and also being in bed. We have a bit of like a catfish name situation going on.

EISENBERG: Hold on, May. Hold for laughter. Hold for laughter at home.


WILKERSON: Yeah, it's a joke that we keep hoping one day somebody will...


WILKERSON: ...Find it funny.

LIMPERIS: Instead, it's always just someone being like, oh, so...

WILKERSON: Oh, that's...

LIMPERIS: ...It's not a sex podcast?

WILKERSON: Wow, that's...

LIMPERIS: It's a bummer.

WILKERSON: ...A bummer.

LIMPERIS: Wonderful.

WILKERSON: Yeah. They're walking away. We're like, hold on.


WILKERSON: So, yeah, we - it's about, like, you know, mental health and being in bed, and it kind of came from a dark time in our lives. And then we moved to L.A., and things were doing OK. And suddenly, the whole world was crazy and in bed. And we were like, they need us.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).



LIMPERIS: We're back.

WILKERSON: Now is our time to shine.

EISENBERG: Have you introduced anything new to your life?

LIMPERIS: Did you see my - I posted on Instagram. I tried baking, and it - my cake boiled.


LIMPERIS: I doubled the butter on accident. It was a boxed mix - I mean, impossible to mess up. And I opened the oven, and it was fully boiling.


WILKERSON: It's alive.

LIMPERIS: It's alive. You look at it, and you go, that's the virus. Yeah.

COULTON: How did it turn out at the end?

LIMPERIS: It was really good and gooey.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

LIMPERIS: At the end, don't judge a book by a cover because that was the most gooey, yummy cake in the world. But for presentation, it - everyone has beautiful sourdoughs on Instagram, and mine was like, oh, she's not - we need to check on - she's not doing well. Yeah.


COULTON: I mean, if you're going to make a mistake, doubling the butter is the - that's the mistake...

EISENBERG: The way to...

COULTON: ...To make.

EISENBERG: ...Go, yeah.

LIMPERIS: Exactly.

EISENBERG: That's delicious. It was always meant to be that way.


EISENBERG: But I followed a box cake recipe to the T, and it still came out, like, atrocious. It really was cake for one. Like, just keep it in the pan.

LIMPERIS: Don't show anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

WILKERSON: No Instagram...

EISENBERG: Do what you have to do.

WILKERSON: ...Photos, please. Yeah.


WILKERSON: This is a behind-closed-door type of a dessert situation. Yeah.


WILKERSON: The best desserts always are. You know, if you're...

EISENBERG: It's true.

WILKERSON: ...Showing your dessert on Instagram, I don't want to eat that. That's doesn't...


WILKERSON: There's no way that tastes good. It's beautiful. Hang it on your wall, but I don't want to...


WILKERSON: ...Put it in my mouth.

LIMPERIS: No. (Laughter) Yeah, like, you want, like, the tub of frosting. That's what - like, you're not going to take a picture of that.




WILKERSON: But honestly, baking - do you need - even need to turn on the oven for baking? That's not - it's - the pre-oven is when it's good. That's when it's peak.


WILKERSON: It's, like, when it's just in the bowl, and you're just kind of crying and just kind of putting it in your mouth...


WILKERSON: ...With your hands.

COULTON: At that point, it's all potential. You know what I mean?


WILKERSON: Yeah, exactly. That's hope to me.

LIMPERIS: That's hope.

EISENBERG: That is hope.


LIMPERIS: Do you feel this way, May? Like, it has been kind of nice to, like, connect with old friends in a way that I probably wouldn't have before this.

WILKERSON: (Laughter) Like butter? Is that - was that...

LIMPERIS: (Laughter) Butter is definitely an old friend. Butter is like...

WILKERSON: Butter's an old friend that I hadn't spent a lot of time with. I - yeah, I have been connecting with all kinds of people. It's like people are popping into my head. I didn't even remember their name, and then all of a sudden, I'm like, wow, that person really - they helped me through a lot. So, yeah, it's been good for that.

EISENBERG: I've connected some - sometimes I'm sort of like, why? I mean, like, I want to connect with.


EISENBERG: But at the same time, when people have reached out from years ago, I assume that they have hit O in their alphabetized contacts.


EISENBERG: That's what I assume. And that's why I go, why? Why? 'Cause you're just going through a list, and now we're here?

WILKERSON: I know. Well, I was just talking to my friend Oscar.


WILKERSON: And then I decided to call you.


WILKERSON: And then Otto is next. So...

EISENBERG: You know what? That's what I'm going to do. Next time...

WILKERSON: ...I love you, Ophira.

EISENBERG: Next time I talk to someone, I'm going to say, who's the last person you talked to?


EISENBERG: I'm going to sus it out.

WILKERSON: That's how you answer the phone now, yeah.

EISENBERG: OK. Alyssa, May, are you ready to do some trivia?

LIMPERIS: We would love to, but we have to tell you, beware. May and I have - are two of the worst people that do trivia. We are both...


LIMPERIS: We are - it's going to be a - yes.

WILKERSON: It's a real weakness for us.

LIMPERIS: It's a real - yeah (laughter).

WILKERSON: It's kind of a source (laughter) of anxiety.

LIMPERIS: Yeah. We don't have a lot of info stored up here, unfortunately.

EISENBERG: Let me...

WILKERSON: Retaining is not so much my thing. I just kind of cruise by - yeah - information.

EISENBERG: Let me just reassure you that you're not here because we expect you to know trivia. You're here because you both have great at-home audio equipment.


EISENBERG: Do you have any idea how hard it is to find people with a good mic?


WILKERSON: Thank you for recognizing our true strengths.

LIMPERIS: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: All right. We're going to play another round of a music parody game called Love Is A Four-Letter Word. So we took well-known songs with the word love in the title and rewrote them to be about other four letter words that begin with the letter L.

COULTON: So when I stop singing, you're just going to jump in and sing the songs title, but replace the word love with the other four-letter L word I'm hinting at in the clues. Alyssa, this one's for you.

LIMPERIS: Thank you.

COULTON: (Singing) Meat that you can cut into a rack, throw it in a euro for a snack. You can serve a leg with some mint jelly on the side. It's easy.

LIMPERIS: OK. Well, I know the clue.

COULTON: You don't know the song, though.

LIMPERIS: (Singing) Lamb, lamb.


COULTON: Yeah. You were singing it. All you need is lamb. That's what we were looking for.

LIMPERIS: (Singing) All you need is lamb.

EISENBERG: There you go.

COULTON: You got it.

EISENBERG: I've been eating a lot of meat.

WILKERSON: Oh, yeah.

EISENBERG: I know that's not very popular with our vegan and vegetarian friends and listeners. But I got to tell you, on top of baking, I've been eating a lot of meat.

LIMPERIS: I get it. I'm a vegetarian, but I'm, like - I'm a week away for sure.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: All right. May, Here's one for you.

(Singing) Don't touch my hat or my hair. Got tiny parasites that live in there. I need a special shampoo and a fine-tooth comb and a brand-new social life.

WILKERSON: Well, once again, I am in the same boat as Alyssa.

COULTON: It's a Huey Lewis song. What if I tell you it's a Huey Lewis song?

LIMPERIS: That'll do nothing for...


LIMPERIS: ...Either of us.

WILKERSON: ...Huey who? Sounds like a great guy.


WILKERSON: (Singing) Lice. Lice, lice, lice. Lice. Lice.

COULTON: Lice is correct. And that was "The Power Of Love" by Huey Lewis.

WILKERSON: The power of lice.

EISENBERG: Remember when you could get close enough to a stranger?

WILKERSON: (Laughter) To get lice. What I wouldn't give for some lice now. Just the company of just knowing that you just got a head full of...

COULTON: You have some friends riding along.

WILKERSON: Friends, yeah.


COULTON: OK. Here's your, Alyssa.

(Singing) You must understand certain foods are now banned for the next six weeks. On Friday's, it's fish. Until Easter, no dish that had hooves or beaks. I'm a catholic, so I'll make it stick. I must try to ignore that delicious meat smell, oh.

LIMPERIS: (Singing) What's...



COULTON: Oh, no. You froze just as you were singing, so I did not hear what you sang.

EISENBERG: Oh, can I take a screenshot of this really quickly though? Oh, it's so good.

LIMPERIS: Yes. Am I still frozen?


COULTON: No, now you're back.

WILKERSON: No, you're back.

LIMPERIS: OK. Can - lead me in, Jonathan, will you?

COULTON: I'll lead you in, yeah.

(Singing) I must...

LIMPERIS: OK, here we go.

COULTON: (Singing) ...Try to ignore that delicious meat smell, oh.

LIMPERIS: (Singing) What's lent got to do, got to do with it?



COULTON: That's right.

WILKERSON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: Did you guys do anything for lent? Did you guys give up anything? Are you giver-uppers?

WILKERSON: I'm not a lenter.


WILKERSON: I don't believe in giving things up.

LIMPERIS: I usually am. But, yeah, this year it got away from me. But I did watch church on YouTube, which was...

EISENBERG: Oh. How was it?

LIMPERIS: I was like, this should have been like this the whole time.


LIMPERIS: I would be devout. I'd be a nun.


LIMPERIS: In bed, lying down watching it. I was like, this is perfect.

EISENBERG: Exactly. Closer to God. That's how you're closer to God, lying down in your own bed. That's right.

COULTON: God's probably in bed. I would be.

WILKERSON: Oh, for sure. Yeah.

LIMPERIS: He's on his cloud. I would be. Yeah.

COULTON: All right. May, here's one for you.


COULTON: (Singing) Estate war, who gets mom's light fixture? We'll see. The shade was expensive. It's Tiffany. Both sisters knowing.

WILKERSON: (Singing) Light is a battlefield. Oh, no. That time...

COULTON: That is very close. And light is not a four-letter word.



WILKERSON: L-I-T-E, that's...

LIMPERIS: So you're spelling it like the yogurt.

WILKERSON: ...What I meant.

LIMPERIS: Yes, she's spelling it like the yogurt.

WILKERSON: L-I-T-E - that's what I meant. Was it Lamp is a Battlefield?

COULTON: Lamp is a Battlefield. That's right.


COULTON: That's exactly right. All right, here's another one for Alyssa.

LIMPERIS: Oh, God. OK, here we go.

COULTON: (Singing) Bring in your car and we'll grease up your chassis. Done in a jiffy with spray or a tube. Easing the friction is our jurisdiction. You won't pay a lot for the...


EISENBERG: We're onto you. We're onto you.


COULTON: She's pretending to be frozen.

LIMPERIS: I'm pretending to be frozen on that one. Yeah, you caught me.


LIMPERIS: The song - I definitely don't know the song. The thing you're clueing - let's think.

COULTON: Greasing up your car.



COULTON: Lube is what we were looking for. That's right.

EISENBERG: That's right.


COULTON: But that was...

WILKERSON: (Laughter)

COULTON: ...the glory - the "Glory Of Love" by Peter Cetera. OK, this is the - you guys will be relieved to hear, this is the last one. May, this is for you.

LIMPERIS: No. So soon? So soon?

WILKERSON: No, please more.

COULTON: (Laughter)



COULTON: All right, here we go.

(Singing) Washer dryer is setting traps. Supposed to catch these fuzzy scraps, but they never catch enough. Check my pockets and I find this stuff. Have to brush my black clothes so they don't look rough. It's in my bellybutton, too.

WILKERSON: (Singing) Lint. Lint. Lint.


WILKERSON: (Singing) Lint.

COULTON: That was "We Found Love" by Rihanna.

WILKERSON: Wow. We found lint...

LIMPERIS: Oh, wow.

WILKERSON: a hopeless place.



COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

WILKERSON: Love that.

EISENBERG: OK, great game. And guess what? You guys are tied.


LIMPERIS: Tied - it's neck and neck and neck.

EISENBERG: And neck.

WILKERSON: I love a tie.


LIMPERIS: Yes, we love - we like a tie.

WILKERSON: We like a tie. It's good.

EISENBERG: That's right.

WILKERSON: We'll remain friends after this. It's not going to, you know, create any weird...


EISENBERG: You're both equally enough.

WILKERSON: We're both equally enough.

LIMPERIS: Yes, thank you.

WILKERSON: Thank you so much.

EISENBERG: After the break, we'll be back to play another game with Alyssa and May. And step back Ken Jeong and Jenny McCarthy - I'm going to talk to the real masked singer, country musician Orville Peck. Plus, we're going to welcome a very special contestant who lives with me in this very house. Who will it be? My husband? My son? Some ants I found in a kettle corn bag? Anything's possible. Stay tuned to find out. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and this is ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.