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Lightning Fill In The Blank

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Maeve has 2.

MAEVE HIGGINS: Yes.

KURTIS: Negin has 2. Tom has 4. Look out.

NEGIN FARSAD: What?

TOM BODETT: Whoa.

SAGAL: All right. Tom's in first place. Maeve and Negin are tied. So, Maeve, you go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the House voted to create a commission investigating the insurrection at the blank.

HIGGINS: Capitol tower.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Well, not a tower but the Capitol. On Monday, the Supreme Court agreed to take up a case that may lead to a restriction or overturning of blank.

HIGGINS: Abortion.

SAGAL: Good enough - Roe v. Wade.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: New tax documents released this week showed that blank made a 904% profit on their GameStop stocks this year.

HIGGINS: Bill Kurtis.

SAGAL: No, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

FARSAD: What? (Laughter).

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG SOUNDING)

SAGAL: This week, a Massachusetts man was arrested for stealing a dog after he blanked.

HIGGINS: For stealing a dog after he lost his dog.

SAGAL: No, he was caught after he returned to the scene of the crime wearing the same clothes he was wearing when he stole the dog walking the dog he stole and after talking to a reporter covering the story about the stolen dog.

HIGGINS: That's what I said.

SAGAL: No, it wasn't.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The man took Titus the dog from a parking lot in Boston only to return later that day in the same clothes, walking the missing Titus, to find a local TV news reporter setting up to do a live report about the theft. It's great when you find a witness to interview. Well, what were you doing when the dog was stolen from this parking lot? Well, I was stealing the dog.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Maeve do on our quiz?

HIGGINS: She had two right for four more points. She now has 6. And because she's the only one in the game so far, she has the lead.

SAGAL: Well, there you are.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right.

HIGGINS: Calling it now.

SAGAL: Negin, you're up next. Fill in the blank. Eleven days after bombing began, Israel announced it had reached a cease-fire-with blank.

FARSAD: Hamas.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the New York attorney general announced their investigation into blank's company now included criminal charges.

FARSAD: Trump.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

FARSAD: On Thursday, CNN said they would not discipline blank for advising his brother Andrew on his harassment scandal.

FARSAD: The anchor Cuomo.

SAGAL: The anchor Cuomo - yes, I'll give it you. It's Chris Cuomo.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week...

FARSAD: Chris (laughter).

SAGAL: The newly opened Bitcoin pizza parlor announced it would not accept blank as payment.

FARSAD: Bitcoin.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, China released the first photos taken by the rover on blank.

FARSAD: Mars.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a police chief in Maine lost his job...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG SOUNDING)

SAGAL: ...After an internal review discovered he had faked a crime so he could blank.

FARSAD: So he could have the day off.

SAGAL: You're so close. I think I'll give it to you - so he could get out of going to a boring meeting.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

FARSAD: Right. Exactly.

SAGAL: The chief of police for the town of Fryeburg, Maine, really did not want to go to the town selectmen meeting, so he faked getting a call about a, quote, "suspicious person at the fair." Even though that sounds like a job for Encyclopedia Brown, he left to go fake investigate.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: An internal review uncovered his deception when body camera footage revealed him arresting a funnel cake and reading Miranda rights to a...

FARSAD: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...Deep-fried Twinkie. Bill, how did Negin do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She did well. She had six right for 12 more points. She now has 14 and the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

FARSAD: Oh, Maeve, I'm so sorry.

SAGAL: All right. How many then does Tom need to win?

KURTIS: Five to tie and six to win.

SAGAL: All right, Tom, that's doable. Here we go. This is for the game. On Wednesday, the EU announced plans to reopen its borders to visitors who are blank.

BODETT: Vaccinated.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the House passed a bill to strengthen federal response to hate crimes against blanks.

BODETT: Asians.

SAGAL: Yes, Asian Americans.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In order to fight inflation, the Federal Reserve discussed reducing its monthly purchases of blank in the coming months.

BODETT: Treasury bonds.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, the GOP-led board of supervisors in Arizona called the state's ongoing blank a sham.

BODETT: The ballot - the audit - the election audit.

SAGAL: Yeah, the audit. Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau came under fire after it was revealed that his Apple MacBook was blank.

BODETT: Was actually a cheap HP with an aluminum cover.

SAGAL: You're exactly right. It was technically a Windows machine with an Apple sticker on it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODETT: No way.

SAGAL: It was...

BODETT: I just totally made that up.

SAGAL: I figured you had. A last-minute play by LeBron James secured a place for the Lakers in the 2020 blanks.

BODETT: The NBA playoffs.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, HBO released the trailer for the upcoming blank reunion special.

BODETT: The - "Sex And The City."

SAGAL: So close - "Friends." This week, a South Carolina...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG SOUNDING)

SAGAL: ...Man who attempted to hijack a school bus full of kids was foiled by blank.

BODETT: The kids attacked him and threw him off the bus.

SAGAL: No, you're close. He was foiled by the kids' annoying questions.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The 23-year-old man did not expect the bus to be filled with kindergartners when he hijacked it.

FARSAD: Oh.

BODETT: Oh, that's hilarious.

SAGAL: And when they wouldn't stop asking him so many questions, he gave up.

BODETT: Are you going to take us home? What happened to our other bus driver?

SAGAL: Exactly. It was like...

BODETT: I have to pee. Are we going to stop?

SAGAL: Hey, mister. Why are you hijacking the bus? Why don't you have a car? But why? What does repossessed mean?

BODETT: Oh, boy, you have to be a hardened criminal to do that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Tom do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, he had six right for 12 more points. That means, with 16, he's the champion this week.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Tom. Yay.

BODETT: Oh, thank you. Thank you. It's been a long time. I needed that, too.

(LAUGHTER) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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