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Panel Questions

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. And here's your host, who's been trying and failing to teach his dogs to play beach volleyball, Peter Sagal.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Once again, we're remembering the way things used to be because it's much more fun than the way they are.

KURTIS: One of the nice things about our current predicament is all the time we have to watch TV. Back in March, we asked our panelists to choose from our menu of shows.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Panel, it's time for a new game that we call...

KURTIS: Netflix and Bill.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Quarantining at home is boring, but you have your family. And after about a half an hour of them, you have TV. We're going to tell each of you about two shows that could be your next binge, but only one of them is real. Guess it, you get a point. Are you ready to play?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

MAZ JOBRANI: Of course.

SAGAL: All right. Here we go, Maz. Which of these is a real show that you can find on Netflix? Is it, A, a placeholder show Netflix accidentally left up featuring a man making popping sounds with his mouth called "The Example Show;" or B, "The Streaming Service," footage of flowing rivers, waterfalls and broken pipes designed to help older men pee?

JOBRANI: I'm going with "The Streaming Service."

SAGAL: No, you're wrong. That would be wonderful.

JOBRANI: (Groaning).

SAGAL: I could use that some days. But the answer is "The Example Show." You can find it. Just Google Netflix "The Example Show." You will find it. It features such riveting scenes as a man making popping sounds with his mouth. And if you turn on the subtitles, it just says, there's no crying in baseball the whole time.

JOBRANI: Peter, as someone who lives in LA and has pitched shows to Netflix and had them pass on my shows, you know, this is very insulting. I feel very bad.

SAGAL: You should have gone in and made popping sounds. That's - that would have - they love that.

JOBRANI: Oh, man.

SAGAL: Paula, also on Netflix, while there's no Monday Night Football right now, you can stream which of these? Is it, A, "Monday Night Foot," in which foot models compete in categories such as shapeliness, toenail quality and arch height; or B, an eight-and-a-half-hour knitting competition show called "National Knitting Night?"

POUNDSTONE: I'm going to go with "National Knitting Night."

SAGAL: You're right. It's actually "National Knitting Night" Norway.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They do love their knitting in Norway. Very good.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

LUKE BURBANK: (Singing) Are you ready for some eyelets?

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: (Singing) A Sunday night knit-off.

That'd be if they gave that job to Hank Williams Jr...

SAGAL: All right, Luke. If you're...

BURBANK: ...Who would be Danish, I guess.

SAGAL: Luke, if you're looking for horror, which of these is a real thing you can find on Amazon? A, a curated collection of educational programming called "Drivers Ed Scare Films;" or B, "Scarebnb" (ph), which is just footage of the worst places available on Airbnb?

BURBANK: I would watch both of those shows. "Scarebnb."

SAGAL: No, it was actually the curated collection of drivers ed films. This collection...

BURBANK: Man, "Scarebnb" would be a way better show.

SAGAL: Well, hey, man...

BURBANK: Maz, that's your next project.

SAGAL: There you go.

JOBRANI: I'm going to pitch it on Monday.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: Here's some other questions we posed to our panel.

Jessi, it's been four months in lockdown, and clothing companies are adjusting to the new reality. How?

JESSI KLEIN: They're selling more sweatpants.

SAGAL: No. Actually, I read once - I don't know if this is true, but they're selling far fewer pants than they used to because who needs pants?

KLEIN: I mean, guys, I'm Porky Pigging it over here.

(LAUGHTER)

DULCE SLOAN: Donald Ducking. Donald Ducking.

KLEIN: Can I have a hint?

SAGAL: You can have a hint. Well, you know, gosh. Well, I guess this is the sort of thing that happens after you eat a candy bar a day for four months, I guess.

KLEIN: They're selling bigger sizes.

SAGAL: Yes. They have decided...

KLEIN: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...They must make bigger clothes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KLEIN: Thank you.

SAGAL: ...To dress post-pandemic America. Clothing companies are adjusting their sizes. What was once a medium is now really a large. Large is now extra-large, and so on. Also a special size for people who didn't think they'd gain weight during the pandemic. That's XL-LOL.

KLEIN: (Laughter).

SAGAL: According to the Chicago Tribune, many brick-and-mortar clothing stores are reporting that as they reopen, customers are coming in having no idea what size they are anymore. Well, my measurements are 34, COVID-19 36.

SLOAN: I'm so excited by this news. Welcome to obesity, America. I'm so happy to see you.

(LAUGHTER)

SLOAN: Everybody, the fatter America gets, the more dates I go on. I say run it. I'm really excited about this.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Helen, a Komodo dragon at the Chattanooga zoo has become famous after she gave birth to three hatchlings without what?

HELEN HONG: A male.

SAGAL: Right - exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: She did it all on her own.

HONG: Oh.

SAGAL: Zookeepers were thrilled and surprised when the female lizard became a mother of dragons. She did it without a baby daddy. It's exciting for a number of reasons. Finally, we know lady lizards can really have it all without a man. And we know that unto us, lizard Jesus was born this day a savior.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: I was going to say it was the Holy Spirit touched the Komodo dragon.

SAGAL: It really was.

TOM BODETT: No, I bet there's a little gecko somewhere...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A big smile on his face. And none of its friends believe it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The female lizard had shared an enclosure with a male lizard, but they never mated - which is weird because that's the sort of behavior you'd expect from a bearded dragon.

HONG: But - so they definitely did it.

SAGAL: Well, no. But here's the thing, Helen. So they did a DNA test, and it came back, and they are totally not the male lizard's offspring. Zoo staff suspect that the hatchlings were instead produced through a rare process of female-only reproduction called parthenogenesis, causing a spike in women Googling, how do I parthenogenesis?

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: Now it's time for a very new segment that we're calling...

KURTIS: News for a younger demo.

SAGAL: Here's a question that we specifically chose for our fans in middle school. Josh, an international group of scientists has banded together to save an endangered species that primarily lives near the border of Bolivia and Peru. What is this species?

JOSH GONDELMAN: Middle schoolers...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GONDELMAN: It's an animal that's endangered. I guess - is it an animal that farts?

(LAUGHTER)

NEGIN FARSAD: I was waiting for Josh...

SAGAL: You're getting there...

FARSAD: ...To be, like, heroin.

SAGAL: ...Josh - an animal that farts.

GONDELMAN: I'm going to guess that's most of them. Sperm whale.

SAGAL: Yeah, closer. All right. If nobody can guess, I will give it to you. They're trying to save the scrotum frog of Lake Titicaca.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: Oh, fun.

HONG: Wait - the scrotum frog is from Lake Titicaca? That's just piling on.

SAGAL: It really is.

HONG: Like, just...

FARSAD: Wait, can...

HONG: ...Scrotum frog or Lake Titicaca. We didn't need a combo.

FARSAD: But is it the - like, the scrotum frog is just named scrotum frog, but its most prominent feature are its elbows? Or, like...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They just call it the scrotum frog to be mean.

FARSAD: It's a nickname the scrotum frog got in middle school...

SAGAL: Exactly.

FARSAD: ...And they just could never shake it.

(LAUGHTER)

GONDELMAN: At the reunion, it's, like, hey, I'm a tree frog. And they're, like, Scrotum, what's up?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Scrotum - what up, dude? Scrotum's here. Oh. He's, like, I knew I shouldn't have come.

GONDELMAN: I went to medical school. It's Dr. Scrotum Frog.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MR. FROGGIE WENT A-COURTIN'")

BURL IVES: (Singing) Frog went a-courtin', and he did ride, uh-huh. Frog went a-courtin', and he did ride, a sword and a pistol by his side, uh-huh. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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