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Bluff The Listener

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Dulce Sloan, Jessi Klein and Peter Grosz. And here again is your host, celebrating two days without a work-from-home injury, Peter Sagal.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill's favorite Egyptian pharaoh - well, that's Rhyme-ses (ph). It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Jessi, it's not just weddings that are moving online. Zoom is becoming a popular place to conduct what other religious ceremony?

JESSI KLEIN: Bar Mitzvah?

SAGAL: No, although you have the right religion.

KLEIN: Oh, no. This is mine. This is my people.

SAGAL: This is - Jessi, yes, it's our people.

KLEIN: Oh, a bris.

SAGAL: Yes, a...

KLEIN: Oh, God.

SAGAL: ...Zoom bris.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KLEIN: Can we talk about how the other panelists have all started doing these scissor fingers?

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The bris, of course, is the traditional Jewish ceremony performed by a special rabbi on a baby boy's babyhood. And one of the most important Jewish traditions associated with the bris is that attendees never actually have to watch it.

KLEIN: (Laughter).

SAGAL: As one...

PETER GROSZ: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...Recent attendant of a virtual bris put it, quote, "I'm usually in the back eating bagels. But in a Zoom bris, the camera and the action are all centered on the very act," unquote. Especially if you forget to switch off speaker view.

KLEIN: I was going to say, mute my audio.

SAGAL: Please.

GROSZ: There should not be, like, a - the camera should not be pointed down. It should be at the mohel or the...

SAGAL: I don't think you want it on the mohel's face either because what if, all of a sudden, he starts doing that thing where - what's the first thing to do?

GROSZ: (Laughter) Yeah.

KLEIN: Yeah.

GROSZ: Or he takes out a book and is, like....

SAGAL: Or he starts reading the directions he wrote down on his hand.

KLEIN: There aren't enough passwords to protect...

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: ...That event.

SAGAL: If you do attend a bris virtually on Zoom, make sure you put it in gallery view because you don't want to miss the moment where you hear the snip, and all the men in the audience wince and cross their legs simultaneously.

KLEIN: I think if you hear the snip, you're at a bad bris.

SAGAL: Exactly.

GROSZ: Yeah. If you hear a chainsaw...

KLEIN: Don't want to hear that snip.

GROSZ: ...Hear a (imitating chainsaw)...

SAGAL: If you hear a snip and then a quiet whoops, then you know it's gone very poorly.

KLEIN: It should be like going through butter.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Exactly.

KLEIN: Sorry, guys. Only...

GROSZ: That's day one in mohel school.

SAGAL: We should change the expression - how'd it go? Oh, it went like a hot knife through a foreskin.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Peter.

SAGAL: Peter, this week, ABC News tweeted a video of huge stingrays mere feet away from unaware swimmers. But viewers were more concerned about something else in that video. What?

GROSZ: There was no lifeguard. There was a shark behind the stingray. There was a concert going on.

SAGAL: I'll - well, I'll give you a hint. We didn't know that lotion came in negative SPF numbers.

GROSZ: How sunburned everybody was.

SAGAL: How sunburned one guy was.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

GROSZ: OK.

SAGAL: ABC tweeted an advisory to Florida beachgoers with a picture of a school of stingrays near a beach, and people freaked out because of the fire-engine-red man standing in the water nearby. Presumably, the man was severely sunburned or just really mad he didn't get a callback for the mascot job at Red Lobster.

GROSZ: He was just a super-sunburned guy.

SAGAL: Yeah. Now...

KLEIN: I - you know, now I remember I did see that guy. I looked...

SAGAL: Now...

KLEIN: ...At the stingrays, and then I saw that guy. And I was, like, get it together, red guy.

SAGAL: Yeah. I mean...

GROSZ: Oh, my God. I'm looking at it right now.

KLEIN: Yeah.

GROSZ: He looks like a human beet.

SAGAL: He does.

KLEIN: He looks radioactive.

SAGAL: He looks - he's the color of Clifford the Big Red Dog....

GROSZ: Yeah, totally.

SAGAL: ...With Instagram filters.

DULCE SLOAN: It's not - this man's not real.

KLEIN: Do you think on the stingray Internet, all the stingrays are watching a video of how close they came to this crazy...

SAGAL: (Laughter).

KLEIN: ...Red freak?

SAGAL: Oh, my God.

KLEIN: What a close call.

SAGAL: Yeah. They're, like...

GROSZ: Larry (ph) almost ate that weirdo.

KLEIN: And yeah, I'm talking about the stingray Internet, and it's real.

GROSZ: (Laughter).

KLEIN: Get used to it.

SLOAN: Sea creatures have Internet. Don't do them like that. They're out here being an advanced society.

GROSZ: Well, there's, like, Black Twitter and...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: Yeah, there's, like, Black Twitter and gay Twitter and stuff.

KLEIN: Black Twitter, stingray Internet - you know what I'm talking about.

GROSZ: (Laughter).

(SOUNDBITE OF NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS SONG, "RED RIGHT HAND") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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