PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Faith, airlines have come up with yet another way to make money. Now they're trying to convince us to pay extra for getting a premium flight experience by sitting where?
FAITH SAILIE: I mean, you can't go firster-class than the cockpit.
SAILIE: But that would be illegal.
SAGAL: That would be illegal.
SAILIE: On somebody's lap?
SAGAL: I imagine, depending on the person you're sitting on, that could be a premium thing, but no.
SAILIE: What other places are we missing?
SAGAL: Well, you can brag about your great seat to the people on both side of you.
SAILIE: A middle seat?
SAGAL: Yes, the middle seat.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Yes, the worst place...
DEMI ADEJUYIGBE: Who wants a middle seat?
SAGAL: Well, that's the trick. They're trying to convince...
SAILIE: This is some gaslighting.
SAGAL: ...You to want it, exactly. Yes, the middle seat is, of course, as we know, the worst place to sit on the airplane, including the toilet.
SAGAL: But more and more airlines are opting to make the middle seat about an inch wider and sell it as premium seating. So now when somebody coughs on you, you have an inch more to slide away from them. And then when that person on the other side coughs on you, you slide back. The airlines hope people will pay for the extra space, even though you'll be closed in, you can't look out the window. You're basically the overlapping part of a Venn diagram, where two smells come together.
MO ROCCA: As a child, I have fond memories of going to Christmas parties and eating lots of Christmas cookies and then falling asleep and waking up. And my head would be on the bosom of a woman, like a great-aunt or somebody like that. And so I think that if I were in a middle seat between two great-aunts, I would be OK with that.
SAGAL: That was a very strange but...
SAGAL: ...Heartwarming digression into your youth.
ROCCA: The idea is if you're - you know? Sometimes, it's, like, cocoon-like to be, like, kind of in the middle of two nice, like, older women with large bosoms...
SAILIE: Ample bosoms.
ROCCA: ...And to just kind of - and they - usually, they're OK if you fall asleep and your head - anyway, I'm just saying that if you sold that...
SAGAL: Have you - Mo Rocca, have you fallen asleep in an airplane and woken up, today, as a grown man...
SAGAL: ...With your head nestled in the bosom of an aunt?
ROCCA: It has happened.
SAGAL: All right.
ROCCA: I'm telling you - if you offered that as a premium, I'd take it.
SAGAL: Mo, as if doctors don't have enough to worry about right now, this week, they have felt the need to specifically let us all know that you should not, as the Internet might tell you to do, treat your hemorrhoids with what?
ROCCA: Nutella? I'm just thinking something like...
ROCCA: ...Something creamy and soothing that you might confuse...
ADEJUYIGBE: How did you out-weird the great-aunt thing so quickly, like, immediately?
SAGAL: You said that - and trying to wrap my head around that image. I'll give you a hint.
SAGAL: It's called the Idaho cure.
ROCCA: So you should not stuff a potato up there.
SAGAL: That's exactly right, Mo.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, doctors put out a plea...
ROCCA: I would hope it was mashed.
ADEJUYIGBE: I truly - I already spend so much time on Twitter. I'm like - I got to get off this. I've never heard of this in my life.
ROCCA: This is definitely dark web stuff.
SAILIE: Are we talking, like, a tater tot size?
ADEJUYIGBE: Yeah, russet or...
SAGAL: We were talking about frozen potato slices placed where the Idaho sun don't shine.
ROCCA: Wait, are they raw potato slices?
SAGAL: No, they're, like, cooked I believe like...
ROCCA: Are they like steak fries? Blech, I hate steak fries.
SAILIE: At least give me crinkle-cut.
SAGAL: No, it's great, though. It's a great dieting trick because if you eat fries that way, the calories do not count.
SAGAL: Doctors are saying tossing potato salad up there is not an effective treatment. And, no, the H in Preparation H does not stand for hash browns.
SAGAL: Doctors warned this home remedy could actually do more harm than good, especially if you use curly fries.
ROCCA: But you know what does work? Sour cream and chives.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HOT POTATO")
THE WIGGLES: (Singing) Hot potato, hot potato. Hot potato, hot potato. Hot potato, hot potato. Hot potato, hot potato. Hot potato, hot potato, potato, potato, potato, potato, potato, potato.
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(LAUGHTER) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.