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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org, or you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, Ga., on March 12. And if you want more WAIT WAIT in your week, check out the WAIT WAIT quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions all in the comfort of your home or wherever you might have your smart speaker. It's just like this radio show, only now we admit we can hear you. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JANA VIRDEN: Hello.

SAGAL: Hello. Who is this?

VIRDEN: This is Jana (ph). and I'm calling from Petit Jean Mountain, Ark.

SAGAL: Petit Jean Mountain, Ark. I have - I pride myself on knowing where everything is. I have never heard of Petit Jean Mountain. Where is that? What is it?

VIRDEN: It's in the central part of the state in the river valley.

SAGAL: Oh, I see. Wait a minute. You live in Petit Jean Mountain, which is in a valley?

(LAUGHTER)

VIRDEN: No, I live atop Petit Jean Mountain that overlooks the valley.

SAGAL: A-ha. Well, welcome to our show, Jana. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will win our prize. You ready to play?

VIRDEN: Sure.

SAGAL: All right. Let's do it. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: My Tenenbaums have not been set free, so a Valentine's spruce is for me. I think that the gist is I'm not done with Christmas. I'll simply repurpose my...

VIRDEN: Tree.

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Tree.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: If you still haven't taken your Christmas tree down, don't worry. You are not sad and lazy. You're a romantic. A new trend has people redecorating their old crusty trees for Valentine's Day. You know, red and white hearts, ornaments, roses, little naked Santas holding bows and arrows. The idea is it's an economical and eco-friendly way to repurpose your Christmas tree. And it's a great way to increase the chances of starting a fire in your own home.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Plus, nothing says I love you like not doing the one thing I asked you to do before January was over.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it's Happy Valentine's day, honey. Here's something dead.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: Don't you - when you put it in the the recycling, don't they take it somewhere and they get - dispose of it in an environmentally friendly way regardless? That's kind of - I think that's what's happening now.

SAGAL: I think they just tell you that. I think...

JOSH GONDELMAN: Right. Oh, your tree goes to a farm upstate. It's really nice.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Very good. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: At the beach, we are in for a shock. I saw fin prints right here by this rock. Some cousin of Jaws just broke natural laws. I think sharks have been learning to...

VIRDEN: Walk.

SAGAL: Yes, walk.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good. Biologists in Australia have discovered some species of sharks have developed the ability to use their fins to walk on land. And we all know what that means.

FAITH SALIE: We're dead.

SAGAL: Shark bunions.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The behavior has been observed in such places as Australia, New Guinea and right behind you.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: I thought it was - because you said walk, I thought it was talk and I would have been like, eh.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: They sound like mummies.

SAGAL: Shark, how was that surfer you just had? Eh.

JOBRANI: And they can add to that song now - (singing) walking sharks, do (ph) do do do do do, walking sharks, do do do do do do.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: I feel like my mouth has been stung. The loss of space there goes unsung. To get better sleep, my mouth needs a clean sweep. I need to lose weight in my...

VIRDEN: Tongue.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Tongue it is. Tongue it is, Jana.

SAGAL: A new study says sleep apnea can be treated simply by losing your unsightly tongue fat. So hit the tongue gym and give your tongue that hourglass figure that ear, nose and throat doctors go wild for. But how do you lose that pesky tongue fat? It's hard. Like the old saying goes, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the thing that licks.

(LAUGHTER)

GONDELMAN: Finally, something new to be self-conscious about.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jana do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Jana is that Arkansas strong. She got them all right.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Jana. Yay.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for calling, and congratulations.

VIRDEN: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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