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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Ill.

And if you want more WAIT WAIT in your week, check out the Wait Wait Quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions, all in the comfort of your home or wherever you have your smart speaker. It's just like this radio show, only now we can hear you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

EVELYN SMITH: Hello. This is Evelyn Smith (ph) from Conyers, Ga.

SAGAL: Conyers, Ga. - I have no idea where that is. Where is that?

SMITH: (Laughter) Most people don't, but it's 35 miles southeast of Atlanta.

SAGAL: Thirty-five miles southeast of Atlanta, so you're just outside the traffic jam.

(LAUGHTER)

SMITH: Yeah.

SAGAL: Eve, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis, of course, is going to perform for you...

SMITH: Thank you.

SAGAL: ...Three limericks based on the news with the last word or phrase missing. Your job, of course, provide that. Do that two times out of three, you'll win our prize. Ready to go?

SMITH: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Both museums and concerts play parts for our real and our spiritual hearts. To make our blood flow, we'll go out and see shows. For our health, we're involved in the...

SMITH: Parts.

KURTIS: Parts, did you say?

SMITH: Yes.

SAGAL: No, not quite. Rhymes with parts, rhymes with hearts.

HELEN HONG: It's, like, cultural stuff.

TOM BODETT: Like painting.

MAEVE HIGGINS: It begins with A.

SMITH: Arts. Arts.

KURTIS: Arts, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HIGGINS: It wasn't (unintelligible)?

SAGAL: A new study shows that visiting art museums can extend your life. Not to mention...

SMITH: Absolutely.

SAGAL: Absolutely - not to mention visiting the museum gift shop, which provides you with all the chunky jewelry and arty reading glasses you need to look great while aging. The research showed that seniors who engaged with art frequently experienced fewer physical ailments as they aged. Researchers think this could be explained by the health benefits of having regular strong, emotional responses. That's why people who constantly fight with their partners live forever.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, no, wait, it just feels that way.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Whether playing in games where the guard scored or fencing with fine blades or hard swords, we athletes can't sleep 'cause the frames are real cheap. They have settled on beds made of...

SMITH: Cardboard.

SAGAL: Cardboard.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, cardboard. Now, you know the Olympics are notoriously amorous, with the IOC regularly handing out thousands of condoms as the games begin, though most of those goes to divers who have forgotten their swim caps.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So, of course, Olympic athletes were a little concerned when they heard that the Tokyo Games this summer would feature in the dorms for athletes bed frames made out of sustainable cardboard. This sounds bad. It's still better than the first idea, beds made out of gingerbread.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They were assured the bed frames, though ecologically friendly, were also freakologically (ph) friendly.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Wait, what? They were afraid people are just going to do it on the cardboard?

SAGAL: Oh, they're going to do it on the cardboard.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's just a question of whether the cardboard can take it.

HONG: Oh. Yeah, you don't want to do it on cardboard.

HIGGINS: But also in dorms.

SAGAL: Well, yeah. The athletes stay in dorms...

HIGGINS: Yeah, so you're not...

SAGAL: ...The athletic village.

HIGGINS: So you'd be, like - you wouldn't be doing it in there anyway.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What are you suggesting?

HONG: Did you ever go to university?

HIGGINS: I didn't, actually.

HONG: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: There's so much doing it in dorms.

SAGAL: Everybody knows the rules. If you come back to your dorm room in the Olympic village, and there's a gold medal hanging on the doorknob...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, Eve, is your last limerick.

KURTIS: This non-cohabitation is smart. We're immune to all snoring and farts. A relationship's strong, so you can't say we're wrong. Though together, we're living...

SMITH: In...

(LAUGHTER)

SMITH: ...Carts?

SAGAL: In carts?

SMITH: In carts.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. You know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to give it to you.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You've already won. It doesn't matter. It is apart. The answer is we're living apart.

(APPLAUSE)

SMITH: Apart.

SAGAL: Apart. More and more celebrity couples are choosing not to live together, claiming it relieves relationship tensions and lessens clogged drains by 50%.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Some relationship counselors even back up the idea, saying living in separate homes is a great way to show you're rich.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's all the rage among Hollywood couples. It's called LAT. That stands for living apart together. It gives couples the space they need from each other and eases the burden of their inevitable divorce.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's also changing wedding vows - to have and to hold until around 9:30 each night do us part.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Eve do on our quiz?

KURTIS: We love Eve, and we're going to call her a winner on this.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Thank you, and congratulations.

SMITH: Thank you.

SAGAL: Take care. Bye-Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF JOURNEY SONG, "SEPARATE WAYS (WORLDS APART)") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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