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Who's Bill This Time

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Want to see your future? Look into old crystal Bill.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. Thank you all so much. We have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to stand-up comedian and actor Ali Wong. Now, Ms. Wong was a relatively unknown comedian until about three years ago, when she did a Netflix stand-up special. She did it while seven months pregnant and wearing a really tight dress, and she instantly became a superstar. So I have two announcements for the radio audience. One, I'm expecting. And second...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I can hardly move in this dress.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But right now we're expecting your call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ERIN GIROUARD: Hi, this is Erin from Royalston, Mass.

SAGAL: Royalston...

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: I know Massachusetts well, but I don't know Royalston. Where's that?

GIROUARD: I figured you would say that. If you've ever been lost in the woods, and you don't have any cell phone service, and you're really scared, that's where Royalston is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Right. So you're, like, the Blair Witch.

GIROUARD: Yes.

SAGAL: Like, you're out there - nobody around. Well, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, it's a comedian you can see at the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, Calif., December 10 and the 11 or at Dr. Grins in Grand Rapids, Mich., December 19 through the 21. It's Alonzo Bodden.

(CHEERING)

ALONZO BODDEN: Hello, Erin.

GIROUARD: Hi, Alonzo.

SAGAL: Next, a comedian you can see at the Atlanta Winery January 23. Her half-hour special is now streaming on Netflix. It's Aida Rodriguez.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: And also appearing this weekend on a panel on a radio show with Aida Rodriguez and Alonzo Bodden...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...It's Adam Felber.

(CHEERING)

ADAM FELBER: Hi, Erin.

SAGAL: Erin, welcome to the show. You, of course, are going to play Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to go?

GIROUARD: I'm ready, but I'm nervous.

SAGAL: Don't be nervous. Here's your first quote.

GIROUARD: Let us begin where our founders began in 1776.

SAGAL: That was Nancy Pelosi on Thursday - not writing her essay for AP History but instead announcing the House of Representatives was going to do what?

GIROUARD: They were going to vote to impeach the president.

SAGAL: Pretty much. They were going to write articles of impeachment, but close enough.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They're going to impeach him. Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Nancy Pelosi formally announced the House would be drawing up articles of impeachment against the president, which, as one pundit actually put it, guarantees the president is going to have a place in the history books. You know, because before this, the history books just would have read, oh, yeah, from 2016 to 2020, nothing much happened. It was chill.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Ms. Pelosi was very solemn, but her announcement of this momentous event was kind of flat, I thought. It's strange to be a bad speaker when it is literally the name of your job. But then she was walking offstage.

FELBER: Oh, yeah.

SAGAL: Remember this? And somebody said, do you hate the president? And she got really angry.

FELBER: It was an action movie moment.

SAGAL: It was a - she's turned back into it, back to the podium.

FELBER: Do I hate the president?

SAGAL: And she laid this guy low. She said that as a Catholic, she "doesn't hate anyone," unquote - because the Catholic Church, of course, as you know, is traditionally very loving.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: To a fault. She was steamed.

SAGAL: Yeah. But...

FELBER: Her face almost moved.

SAGAL: Do you guys...

AIDA RODRIGUEZ: (Yelling).

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Woah. You saw it. It twisted.

SAGAL: It did.

RODRIGUEZ: (Laughter).

SAGAL: I was going to ask if you guys agree with me that you thought that her announcement, as many of her scripted announcements tend to be, was not that great.

BODDEN: Well, it couldn't be at this point because I think everybody was like, well, didn't we already determine this?

SAGAL: Yeah.

FELBER: Yeah. It's, like, Season 8 of "Game Of Thrones." You're either watching at this point, or you're not.

SAGAL: That's true.

FELBER: You're on board, or you're not.

SAGAL: It's like a car plummeting off a cliff. And halfway down, somebody says, I would like to announce we're going to be striking the ground.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: However, it was probably, in the end, more interesting than the hearing the day before. That was when four law professors testified before the Judiciary Committee. That's a great way to grab the nation's attention - law professors. That's why Chairman Jerry Nadler's first question was, is this going to be on the exam?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Your next quote is from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

KURTIS: You just watched his team's jaws drop to the floor.

SAGAL: Now, that was Mr. Trudeau speaking when he was caught on camera, gossiping with other world leaders, making fun of whom?

GIROUARD: Maybe Trump.

SAGAL: Yes. Maybe Trump, Erin.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Trudeau was caught on camera - that he apparently didn't notice - speaking at a party during the NATO summit. He was talking to three other world leaders, including Boris Johnson. They were making fun of Trump.

FELBER: (Laughter).

SAGAL: He said - Trudeau said things like, he's always late because of his crazy press conferences. His own staff can't believe how nuts he is. There was one inaudible phrase, but Trudeau seems to be saying, I'm sorry. I'm Canadian. I'm not allowed to be any meaner.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because seriously, was this, like, his idea of trash talk? We can help.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Instead of, oh, you watch his team's jaws drop to the floor, try, he looks like a basketball and the Pillsbury Doughboy had a baby.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or he thinks world affairs is just cheating with another Slovenian model.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Put some work into it, Justin.

FELBER: And the other thing is that he ran on, the other nations in the world are laughing at us.

SAGAL: Yes, under Obama.

FELBER: And if elected president, I'll make sure they do so on camera.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He did, though. He got so angry at them laughing at him that he's cancelled his last events, and he flew home a day early on Air Force One. He was so upset he even was willing to pay the $200 flight change fee.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And he then - he got upset, and he called Trudeau, quote, "two-faced," which is accurate. One of them is black. And then...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: And both of them extremely good-looking.

SAGAL: There you are. Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: It's hard to get mad at a Canadian racist...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: ...Because you're, like, eh, he really didn't mean it.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And he...

BODDEN: He's Canadian...

SAGAL: And you know he feels bad.

All right, Erin. Very good. Here is your last quote.

KURTIS: I'm a little nervous but excited. Let's do this.

SAGAL: That was an actress in an ad that made everybody incredibly upset this week. It's an ad for what piece of exercise equipment?

GIROUARD: Is it the Peloton bike?

SAGAL: It is the Peloton bike.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good, Erin.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This ad, if you haven't seen it, shows a young woman getting a $2,500 exercise bike from her husband for Christmas. And instead of tearing his head off, she's, like, OK, I guess I do not meet your standards. I will try harder. She's lucky he didn't go with his first idea of a present, a tapeworm.

(GROANING)

SAGAL: Did you - have you watched? Everybody's watched it, right? So the idea is, like, she's making a video diary of her year of Peleton workouts. And at the end of the ad, we see that her husband and her are watching this Instagram story, and they're celebrating her progress from being a ridiculously fit model to being a ridiculously fit hostage to her husband's demands.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Seriously, she looks so terrified as she's doing these Peloton workouts. You expect her to be holding up today's newspaper while she pedals.

BODDEN: Well, that's the crazy thing about it. At the beginning of it, she looks fantastic.

SAGAL: Yes.

BODDEN: She's already in great shape. You know, it's not as if men didn't look bad enough.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: We didn't really need this...

SAGAL: No.

BODDEN: ...To help us look, like, even worse.

FELBER: Yeah, that guy's embarrassing us.

BODDEN: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: We can be garbage without the Peloton.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, the Peloton company, you should know, is standing by the ad. They're defending it, even though - and this is also true - their market value dropped nearly a billion dollars since the ad went viral. That, by the way...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Is the first time an exercise machine bought at Christmas has caused the loss of anything.

(LAUGHTER)

RODRIGUEZ: It also shows how powerful white women are in America.

SAGAL: Really? What do you mean?

RODRIGUEZ: Those white liberal feminists say, hell, no. We're shutting it down today. Right, we're going to start running again.

BODDEN: Yeah, this is a thing, though, right? Because they had to give up SoulCycle because of the support...

SAGAL: Right. Right. Because the owner of the company...

FELBER: They might have to ride a bicycle at some point.

SAGAL: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: What...

SAGAL: You're going to find all these women riding bicycles into traffic, squinting in the sun.

BODDEN: I'm going to invest the money in cookies.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I think this is weight gain about to happen.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Erin do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She was perfect - 3 for 3.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Erin.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: We told you it was easy. Thanks so much for playing, Erin. Bye-bye.

GIROUARD: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "RELEASE ME")

DOLLY PARTON: (Singing) Please release me. Let me go. I don't love you anymore. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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