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Who's Bill This Time

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Forget about LeBron - you've got LeBill (ph).

(CHEERING)

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Blossom Music Center in Cuyahoga Valley National Park, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. It is wonderful to be here at Blossom, a music venue founded back in 1968 by the beloved Mayim Bialik sitcom for which it is named.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Later on, we're going to be talking to Piper Kerman, the author of "Orange Is The New Black," who's now teaching writing in prisons here in Ohio. But first, the New York Times published an amazing expose this week close to our hearts with a shocking conclusion - we have reached, quote, "peak podcast." That's right - every single person in America now has a podcast.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So from here on, podcasts will slowly decline until there are none left, and people will stop committing unsolved murders out of a lack of interest.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you don't want to bother starting a podcast but still want to hear your voice on one, give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

DAVID SPERSTAD: Hey, this is David.

SAGAL: Hey, David. Where are you calling from?

SAGAL: Little Falls, Minn.

SAGAL: Little Falls, Minn. - now, I lived in Minnesota, but I never came across Little Falls. Where is that?

SPERSTAD: Smack dab in the heart of Minnesota, right in the middle.

SAGAL: Right in the middle. And what do you do there in the middle of Minnesota?

SPERSTAD: My wife and I own a bicycle shop.

SAGAL: Oh, you do? That's - you know...

SPERSTAD: Yes.

SAGAL: I've often thought that if I truly wanted to give up everything else and just be happy, I would run a bicycle shop. Am I right in this assumption?

SPERSTAD: You would be very happy.

SAGAL: I would be very happy.

SPERSTAD: You make people happy by helping them ride a bike.

SAGAL: That's awesome. Well, David, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian you can listen to on the new "Fear NOT!" podcast - it's Alonzo Bodden.

ALONZO BODDEN: Hello, David.

(CHEERING)

SPERSTAD: Hello, Alonzo.

SAGAL: Next, a comedian and writer whose new audio series "Aliens Of Extraordinary Ability" is out now on Audible - it's Maeve Higgins.

(CHEERING)

SPERSTAD: Hey.

SAGAL: And finally, the host of the "Mobituaries" podcast. His "Mobituaries" live show will be at the House of Independents in Asbury Park, N.J., on August 21 and StageOne in Fairfield, Conn., on August 22 - it's Mo Rocca.

(CHEERING)

SPERSTAD: Hello, Mo.

SAGAL: David, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to play?

SPERSTAD: I am thrilled to play, Bill.

SAGAL: Here we go. Your first quote is from the president of the United States.

KURTIS: Those tweets are not racist.

SAGAL: He was talking about some tweets he sent earlier that were totally what?

SPERSTAD: Racist.

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Totally racist.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Now, the country has been arguing for some years if the president is racist or just, you know, racially charged or racist curious...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Or merely, you know, racy. It all started when Trump told four Congresswoman to go back to their countries. He was just testing it. If it worked, he'd try it on Melania.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hey - you laugh. It's cheaper than what he had to do to the last two.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So this go back to your country thing was so unvarnished that many news organizations threw up their hands and just called it racist. Even NPR, which stands for no, please don't say racist...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: NPR said it. This is an organization that is so evenhanded it covers a kick to the crotch by talking both to the crotch and the foot.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: The thing is is that three of the women were born in the United States.

SAGAL: They were.

ROCCA: I mean, Ayanna Pressley - she represents Massachusetts, but she was actually born in Cincinnati. Now, I realize with this crowd, saying go back to Cincinnati is like going back to a hellhole.

SAGAL: Yes, I understand.

(CHEERING)

ROCCA: That's how they see it.

SAGAL: I understand.

ROCCA: They're from Cleveland. I'm not getting in the middle of that.

SAGAL: You can't give in to these horrible prejudices, Mo. We are - you know, we're all one. The president held one of his rallies on Wednesday night, and this whole thing - when he started going after Ilhan Omar, they started chanting, send her back, send her back. That was really ugly. The fact is, you've got to give the president this - he's really good at coming up with chants - like lock her up, send her back. The Democrats keep trying it. It doesn't work with their programs. Free college tuition - but only at public universities for qualifying applicants with a limit on family income of 220...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Your next quote is from NBA star DeMar DeRozan reacting to a photo of himself that somebody posted using something called FaceApp.

KURTIS: Whoever started this app, man, you're messing people's life up.

SAGAL: DeRozan was upset that FaceApp made him, like it does to everybody who uses it, look what?

SPERSTAD: They look older.

SAGAL: That's exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They look old.

(APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: It's 20 years specifically, right?

SAGAL: It's 30 years, I believe.

ROCCA: It's 30 years - OK.

SAGAL: FaceApp took over the Internet this week. It gives you a picture of what you would look like when you are 30 years older. The images were all extraordinarily realistic. They could replace the previous technology for finding out what you'd look like old - looking at your parents.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What does it mean if you run the photo through the app, and you just get back a picture of a coffin?

(LAUGHTER)

MAEVE HIGGINS: Well, I like it because I want to marry a guy who's, like, 30 years older than me...

SAGAL: Yeah.

HIGGINS: ...Just for my own reasons. So I'm going to upload all my FaceApp photos onto my dating profiles. Like, he'll be, like, oh, a nice old lady just like me because that's what old guys like.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I don't...

SAGAL: Speaking as an old guy...

BODDEN: Well, I don't know about...

SAGAL: No, we don't - yeah, sadly. But here's the thing - and you might have heard this, too. It turns out the app was made by Russian programmers. The Democrats, led by Chuck Schumer, advise people to delete the app immediately. It makes sense. The Dems need to stop it. If the Russians used that old face technology on Joe Biden, it'll just be a picture of a handful of dust.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And sadly, they already got to Bernie.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Your last quote is about a big shakeup in spy movies.

KURTIS: Who cares if it's a woman as long as she still drinks martinis, kills bad guys and has sex with lots and lots of women?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was writer Jesse McLaren reacting to news that what movie icon will be played by a woman in the next film?

SPERSTAD: Bond - James Bond.

SAGAL: Very good, David.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A woman will be the next James Bond - or, technically, agent 007. But that doesn't matter because no one cares less about distinctions like that than fans of popular movie franchises.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're also easygoing. According to reports, British actress Lashana Lynch will be playing agent 007 in the British MI6, the first woman ever to do so. James Bond, though, will still be around in the film. He's played by Daniel Craig again, but now he's retired. We all know what happened to Bond. He got #MeToo-ed (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know that, right?

HIGGINS: Definitely.

SAGAL: It's, like, James, you were calling this woman Pussy Galore. Her name is Debra (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, usually, Bond is sent to go see M and Q. Now had to go see HR.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: So is he just going to be sort of like a kindly, old sort of uncle figure?

SAGAL: Well, it's unclear. But we hope that a female 007 means there will be Bond boys just as ridiculously objectified...

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: ...As all the Bond girls have been. So it's, like, (imitating British accent) 007, your mission is to link up with an informant, a 22-year-old surfer named Octo-Dong (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: You talked about the fans. I mean, the ones - imagine the people who lost their mind over a black Little Mermaid.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: When they get 007 that's a black woman, they probably just died in their basements.

SAGAL: It's really true.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: It was just too much, and they just keeled over.

SAGAL: Yeah. Bill, how did David do on our quiz?

KURTIS: David nailed it - all three.

SAGAL: Congratulations, David.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

SPERSTAD: Thanks.

(SOUNDBITE OF BEASTIE BOYS SONG, "FUNKY BOSS") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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