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The Royal Wedding

BILL KURTIS: One of the top stories from 2018 was the royal wedding between Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, which led to this moment on our show featuring panelist Tara Clancy.


JOSH SMITH: I'm ready.


All right. Here is your first quote.

KURTIS: If Meghan can make him happy, I hope he'll be satisfied not being king.

SAGAL: That was actor Samuel L. Jackson, as you can probably tell from Bill's perfect imitation...


SAGAL: ...Who, for some reason, was talking about whose wedding that's taking place on Saturday?

SMITH: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

SAGAL: Yes...


SAGAL: ...Exactly right. You got both bride and groom. This weekend...


SAGAL: ...Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are being wed at Windsor Castle in front of 3,200 distinguished guests before an opulent private reception at the Frogmore House.

TOM BODETT: How did Samuel L. Jackson get...

SAGAL: I have...


SAGAL: ...No idea.


BODETT: Am I the only person who hasn't been asked an opinion yet on this?

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Tom, how do you feel about the...

BODETT: Oh, thank you.

SAGAL: We'll...

ROBERTS: ...Royal...

SAGAL: ...Be happy to do...

ROBERTS: ...Wedding?

SAGAL: ...This - exactly, Tom.


BODETT: I didn't get my invitation. That's how I feel about it.

ROBERTS: It's a very exclusive crowd. But Harry never wanted to be king. Or at least he said that. I don't think he really wants it. So Samuel's wrong.

BODETT: Well, he's number six. He's not going to be king. I mean...

ROBERTS: Well, I mean...

BODETT: ...That's just like...


ROBERTS: You know, there could be a giant sinkhole or something.


BODETT: Well, I mean, look at his dad. I mean, Charles has been number one for, like, the last 85 years...


BODETT: ...Or something, right?

ROBERTS: Been a while.

BODETT: I mean, seriously, if you're number six, it ain't happening.


SAGAL: And this is interesting. Meghan Markle, apparently - because she's marrying into the royal family - she had to undergo security training which - seriously - entailed her being fake kidnapped and subjected to live gunfire. They don't really need to do that. It's just how the royal family messes with people.


SAGAL: Oh, yes, Meghan. We all have to do this. Here, let me blindfold you.


TARA CLANCY: You know what I didn't know? I didn't...

SAGAL: What?

CLANCY: ...Know - I think it's Tostitos. But she had done an ad. Is it Tostitos? Does anybody else...

SAGAL: I don't follow the royals that closely, so...

CLANCY: OK. Well, listen.


CLANCY: Apparently, she did an ad, you know, for Tostitos. And to celebrate her, they've, like, come out with this royal, like, Tostitos cake where...

SAGAL: Yeah.

CLANCY: ...They do, like, seven-layer dip with all the Tostitos. And they're sort of presenting this as, like, their royal wedding present, you know?

SAGAL: What you're telling me is, like, there's...

CLANCY: Very high-brow.

SAGAL: ...Going to be a royal footman...


SAGAL: ...You know, in the livery walking up with, like, a seven-layer dip? Is that...

CLANCY: Exactly.

SAGAL: ...What you're saying?


SAGAL: I like it.


SAGAL: Prince William - by the way, he is the actual heir to the throne if you follow along. He'll be Prince Harry's best man at the wedding. And if you have trouble telling them apart, here's a mnemonic. Prince Harry looks hairy, while Prince William looks like he got married a few years ago and has three kids.



ROBERTS: That's a little mean.

CLANCY: You know, my son is named Harry. Did...


CLANCY: ...You know that?

SAGAL: Yeah...


SAGAL: I did not know that.

CLANCY: OK. So my first born son, I named him Ray. You know, Ray Clancy, right? He will...

SAGAL: Yeah.

CLANCY: ...Punch you in the nuts.

SAGAL: That's exactly what I would expect...


SAGAL: ...Of someone named - I would - if someone said, my name is Ray Clancy, I would immediately cross my legs because that's exactly...


SAGAL: ...What I would expect. Just something about the name.

CLANCY: So the second guy, he had a really difficult birth. He had a really long and difficult birth. And I feel like we named him in vengeance. We named him Harry, Harry Clancy. It's like, he will sell you a used Honda.


SAGAL: I just - you know, it's always interesting to meet people who have such specific dreams for their children.


SAGAL: It's like, Harry, I see you as a used Honda salesman. And Ray - oh, what I've got dreamed up for you.


SAGAL: The people talking to Ray - Ray, why you'd punch me in the nuts? He's like, I couldn't disappoint my mom.


SAGAL: It's what she wanted for me.


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