Bluff The Listener
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Roy Blount Jr., Luke Burbank and Helen Hong. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody.
SAGAL: Thank you so much. Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air.
Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
EMILIA DELGROSSO: Hi, Peter. This is Emilia calling from West Chester, Pa.
SAGAL: West Chester - now, West Chester - is that not far from Philadelphia, as I remember?
DELGROSSO: That is correct. West Chester is the bestchester (ph).
SAGAL: Oh, of course.
ROY BLOUNT JR: Oh.
SAGAL: What do you do there?
DELGROSSO: And they - I - well, I am a classically trained flute player, and I work as a manager at a health and fitness center.
SAGAL: Of course you are because...
LUKE BURBANK: Do those worlds overlap ever?
DELGROSSO: Well, you know, you have to have some upper body strength to lift up a heavy metal flute.
SAGAL: Wow. Do you ever, like, do a - like, an aerobics class with classical music?
DELGROSSO: I have not done that. But I have played some songs to our patrons in the gym, which is both confusing and exciting for them.
SAGAL: I imagine.
SAGAL: They're very...
SAGAL: They don't know how they feel. Well, welcome...
SAGAL: ...To the show, Emilia. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Emilia's topic?
KURTIS: Doc, you're not going to believe this.
SAGAL: Sure, there are your classic injuries. People have them all the time - runner's knee, tennis elbow, panelist's groin. But...
SAGAL: This week, we heard about an injury happening in a really surprising way - so surprising it made the news. Each of our panel is going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you will win our prize - the WAIT WAITer of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play?
DELGROSSO: I have a lot of family that's going to be listening to this, so I hope I don't let them down.
SAGAL: All right. Just, like, putting the pressure on - good idea.
DELGROSSO: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
SAGAL: First, let's hear from Helen Hong.
HELEN HONG: Carl Bradford (ph) was not having a good week. Recently separated, he had been kicked out of the home that he had shared with his estranged wife and forced to move into a bachelor studio in the attic of his mom's house. The attic was sparsely furnished with three items, all from IKEA - a fraying Brathult pullout couch, a Malm side table and a Hemnes bookshelf lined with his mom's romance novels, an ancient collection of Encyclopedia Britannicas...
HONG: ...And two urns, one containing Grandpa Joe (ph) and the other his dead hamster, Skipper (ph).
HONG: In need of a quick furniture fix and not one to mix things up, Carl headed to, of course, IKEA. But putting together a Songesand six-drawer dresser becomes quickly infuriating even in the best of times. Which piece is for the left side, and which is the right? Why are there so many extra little wooden nubs? Why doesn't this manual have any freaking words?
HONG: In sheer frustration, Carl hurled one of the half-constructed dresser drawers at the wall. It clipped the edge of the Hemnes bookshelf, which it turns out had not been properly mounted with a Betydlig wall anchor.
HONG: The bookshelf came crashing down, flinging heavy encyclopedia volumes out the attic window and onto the neighbor's car, shattering the windshield. The urn containing Grandpa Joe also flew out the window, narrowly missing the neighbor's dog and splintering into a million pieces on the concrete driveway. The other urn holding Skipper the hamster flew at Carl, fracturing his elbow and covering him in dead hamster dust.
HONG: Carl, who's been in a cast for two weeks, is remorseful and says the experience made him realize how much he had taken his wife and properly furnished home for granted. He's mending his relationship, vowing more appreciation for both his marriage and all things not IKEA.
SAGAL: A multiple catastrophe cascade courtesy of IKEA. Your next story of an unlikely injury comes from Roy Blount, Jr.
BLOUNT JR: Volleyball is what nudists play.
BLOUNT JR: It's a big nudist thing. You see a bunch of naked people, and you wonder what's up. Then you see they're playing volleyball, and you go, oh, it's nudists.
BLOUNT JR: But golf - nudists playing golf? It don't seem natural.
BLOUNT JR: Now it has happened - the first nude golf day at a course in northern Australia, organized by 69-year-old Brian Jensen (ph), who runs a nearby nudist retreat - shoes and hat and nothing else.
BLOUNT JR: Puts another connotation on how you're swinging, said Jensen.
BLOUNT JR: Thirty golfers took part. Only one suffered an injury. Bitten by scandalized wombat? Ball in the wrong hole?
BLOUNT JR: No, this fellow just didn't want to use a cart, so he carried his bag of clubs over his bare shoulder, and it chafed kind of bad.
BLOUNT JR: Puts another connotation on how's it hanging, I guess.
SAGAL: A chafed shoulder from a nudist golf event in Australia. Your last story of a booboo in the news comes from Luke Burbank.
BURBANK: Doctors at Kindred Hospital in Brea, Calif., listed Kevin Dodgerel (ph) in satisfactory condition this week with a broken leg and radial fracture. But they say things could have been much worse after he raced through a four-way stop on his bike and collided with a UPS truck. His family says things went about as they were expecting considering he was riding a Peloton stationary bicycle he'd modified...
BURBANK: ...To take on the street. The bike was a birthday present to Dodgerel from his wife and kids, and he admits to having been a little confused when he first unpacked the gift. Well, I didn't realize it was a stationary bike at first, he told the Brea Post-Dispatch. And since I'd already thrown out the assembly directions long before trying to put it together, I just figured it was some kind of weird bike they got a screaming deal on or something.
BURBANK: Dodgerel solved the problem by lashing two of his daughter's light-up Heely sneakers to the underside of the back of the bike and then unsheathing the giant, heavy front wheel from its frame so it could sort of just roll on the ground. The biggest problem is those things don't actually come with brakes, said Dodgerel from his hospital bed.
BURBANK: So I brought some barbecue tongs with me. I figured I could kind of pinch the front wheel...
BURBANK: ...To try to slow down. For what could only be described as obvious reasons, the plan failed.
BURBANK: Dodgerel, though, is not ready to admit defeat, telling his family he just needs a Saturday where he and his buddies Dale (ph) and Pat (ph) can get under the hood of that thing, and they'll have it working again in no time.
SAGAL: All right. Let's review these injuries. From Helen, it was a broken clavicle, I think, and other injuries from a cascading IKEA furniture accident. From Roy Blount, Jr., the injury was a chafed shoulder - an inevitable result of playing golf in the nude, as a bunch of people did in Australia. Or, from Luke Burbank, various terrible fractures from riding a Peloton bike in the street. Which really happened?
DELGROSSO: Good gravy.
SAGAL: Good gravy, indeed.
DELGROSSO: Let's go with B.
SAGAL: So your choice is B, Roy's story about the nude golf tournament. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with this kind of injury.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
BALU NATARAJAN: Nude activities such as nude golf carry their own host of unique issues.
NATARAJAN: Even carrying equipment could lead to that injury.
SAGAL: That was Dr. Balu Natarajan. He's a sports medicine physician at Chicago Primary Care Sports Medicine being very gracious as he spoke to us about this nude golf injury suffered in Australia.
DELGROSSO: Oh, boy.
SAGAL: Congratulations. You did get it right.
SAGAL: Roy was telling you the truth in his patented folksy way, so you have earned a point for him, as well as winning our prize for you. Congratulations.
DELGROSSO: Thank you.
BLOUNT JR: You think you'll ever play the flute in the nude?
DELGROSSO: What happens in a practice room stays in a practice room.
BLOUNT JR: I understand.
SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.
DELGROSSO: (Laughter) Thank you, guys.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HURT ME")
WYNONA CARR: (Singing) Oh, hurt me. Hurt me if you choose. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.